Lately I’ve been thinking about reciprocity vs. balance. I have always struggled with wanting someone to reciprocate the love I gave and I always ended up devastated & disappointed because the love I gave was not reciprocated. I’ve learned the way I wanted love was selfish.
Yeah, I said selfish, I was only loving someone to get the love I gave in return, although my love is real & my intentions were good I never received that love back… ever. It was selfish of me to push my love on someone without asking how they wanted to be loved or what’s love to them. The bold part is me wanting them to give me what I gave them & I’m sure I was emotional & tried to manipulate/force that love from some people.
I set a boundary in my relationships a long time ago I decided not to “exchange“, “bet” , or “you do this, I do that” in my relationships & I started to see how much this was an issue for others as well. I’ve always wanted someone to WANT me. I never wanted a love story of “she did this for me so I love her” or basically the only reason I’d be in a relationship is because I gave something & they decided to ‘reciprocate’ with love. To me that’s not love & that’s not how I want love. I believe love should be given freely, either you do or you don’t. I can’t force you to love me & a simple gesture or trial doesn’t determine whether I love someone or not.
Everything you do in a relationship you must WANT to do it. Don’t do anything because someone did something for you or because you want something from someone. Be genuine & do things simply because you want to. Therefore there will not be any regrets or resentment. After doing things this way my relationships started to change & I started to learn so much about myself. I was able to set boundaries & give the love I knew I was capable of giving without disappointment or devastation.
Then I realized balance is a necessity in relationships, I never got this far in relationships prior due to the way I went about relationships & love. No one is perfect so we do come up short sometimes and with balance in a relationship your partner can meet you where you are until things get better. Balance gives you a peace of mind so you can grow. To have balance in a relationship takes teamwork & good communication. Learning how to balance a relationship is rewarding for you and your partner you both benefit from the things you naturally want to do.
I steer more towards equality in relationships so balance works best for me. Do you demand reciprocity or do you enjoy the balancing act?