Growing up I would daydream about love and being in love. I would imagine I was in this intense & passionate love affair that consumed me entirely & it was the love I always wanted. I knew I’d experience an extravagant & whimsical love that I couldn’t explain when I was younger but I could feel & sense the intensity of it all.

Everything began in college. Although we stayed in the same dorm our freshman year I never saw or met him. It wasn’t until my sophomore year that I somehow would be in his presence without knowing it, daily. I didn’t know much about relationships I was still dealing with high school flings honestly. I knew nothing about soulmates or twin flames. Sophomore year we stayed in the same dorm again but at the time I didn’t know this. He stayed on the other side of the dorm but I would go to that side often because my classmates I was still friends with at the time stayed on the same side. My classmates actually stayed right across from his room. I would go over and visit my classmates often and I would constantly hear this text message tone in the room across from them it was always loud and obnoxious to me but I’d hear it so much it was almost weird not to hear the tone if I was going to visit my friends.

One day I’m going back to my room it was storming and the elevator lights were blinking and I already had a phobia of elevators so I ended up taking the stairs instead. I make it to the floor I stay on and I see a couple of ppl getting on the elevator and idk how I knew it was him but he was adorable and he was kind of fearful being on the elevator so he got off, I giggled as I passed, I’m certain I made eye contact but never spoke. That’s the first time I saw him. The next time I would see him again but he definitely didn’t see me. This was an unfortunate time because I still didn’t know him but I witnessed him being arrested and deep down without knowing him or having a conversation I knew he was innocent. I didn’t see him anymore that year.

New school year, I stay in a different Dorm this year & nope he doesn’t stay there but he’s close… extremely close. I randomly meet him again in the student center, he’s talking to my sister I didn’t know they knew of each other but I meet him then and it wasn’t a simple greeting to each other. He touches my hair and says my sister’s hair is softer, very blunt and rude af. Time goes on and I guess he finds me on twitter and he gives me his number we became associates so forth and so on. It was never a steady relationship or a regular relationship. When we spent time together it felt like I knew him before, I was extremely comfortable but not for long. I really liked him but he definitely wasn’t the only person I was dealing with. I know I was juggling a few but he made me feel things I never felt before and it scared me but enticed me too. I remember asking him did he believe in “FATE” and he replied “NO”. I didn’t realize why I asked that years ago until now. One day we were together and I was talking about something and he says “You’re so possessive” and that really made me want to run because it was like he was seeing through me no one ever did that before (I’m a scorpio rising conjunct pluto). I told him that I could tell he was an extremely “sensitive” person (he has a 12th house stellium and his moon is in the 4th house). We continuously see each other because we enjoy it. We became friends over the years and he would vent to me about his current relationships and just things he’d want to talk about. He doesn’t know how much I like him and truthfully I ignored it and didn’t express it because what we were doing was good and he would vent to me about who he liked and what he should do. I knew who he liked and how much he liked her. I always wanted him to be happy even if it didn’t involve me. I would always give him the best advice I could to help him in his other relationships. We’re still randomly hooking up and having this consistent but inconsistent relationship. He’s definitely in and out the picture trying to be with “the girl of his dreams” which wasn’t me by the way lol. My only rule for any relationship was that if anyone I was dealing with got in a relationship (girlfriend) to my knowledge I would cut ties completely. He ended up getting with the girl of his dreams and everything stops between us no texting, no random pop ups, nothing. I have a feeling it’s over he’s with her now at least one of us is happy right, well something happens and he hits me up and we interact and he tells me about how something weird happened and he was heartbroken but he’s still going to pursue the girl he genuinely liked, I was going to tell him how I felt but the timing was terrible, my mom just had a stroke and I wasn’t in a place to even want to be with anyone I wasn’t even myself.

After that random meeting it would be last I see of him for awhile again. He would randomly text me for advice or to talk and he told me her birthday was coming up and he told me he had a text message scheduled to send her and I told him don’t text her happy birthday, call her. I knew she wasn’t expecting that, it would make him stand out and it would look like he was extremely interested. He did it, and I suddenly didn’t hear from him again. Heartbroken but ecstatic that even though he was with the girl of his dreams and not me there was hope I’d find someone or love like that. It made me hopeful more than anything because of how much I knew he liked her and him actually being able to be with her. It made me happy that he was happy.

This is a good ending point for part one. It’s just getting started.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s