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Ready to Die

I woke up this morning ready to die. I’m honestly tired of being here and i’m NOT suicidal. ( I DO NOT WANT TO KILL MYSELF). I just want to make that clear. I’m just tired of being here living the way I am. Honestly, how life has to be lived here angers me daily.

The thing I dislike the most about living is not being able to just “BE” and what I mean by that is all these narratives and obligations are placed upon you by simply being here but you aren’t allowed to simply “BE” . You never get a break from having to be what’s placed upon you.

You can not live here with out money it doesn’t matter how you make it. Money is not evil, money is not even real and I want to just die knowing that because everyone everywhere is forced to work for something that doesn’t even exist. No one should have to be homeless, starving or even be without a necessity simply because they can not afford those things, but this is the world we live in and it needs to change.

Im coming up at the end of my road I’ve done everything I can think of. I’m going to keep working diligently towards my goals as I clean up this mess of a life I have & hopefully I can feed myself, pay rent, and keep my sanity. At this point in my life I’m just going to tell ppl I don’t have it whether it be for a bill or for groceries because if I truly don’t have it, what else am I supposed to do…. ?? & if the answer is idk … I choose death.

People may think that’s extreme but death is the only thing in life that’s guaranteed and I wish more ppl would have chosen to fight for their beliefs or their rights til death maybe this world would not be the way it is now. Death imo is possibly the only thing that’ll get through to most ppl because someone being homeless, starving, or needing a doctor but not being able to afford it is OK, We as people have accepted the worst for ourselves just because a FEW can “afford” these things. This world is a horrible place to live in and it won’t change overnight. I will continuously do my part here and fulfill my purpose that’s all I can do at this moment. Hopefully a year from now I can look back at this moment with a completely new perspective but at this moment I will honor my feelings and where I am in my journey by being in it fully and embracing the bottomless pit of defeat i’m in because this won’t last forever.

BH.

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